Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in friendships and relationships that are no longer fulfilling us. But most of the time, we tend to stay in those connections out of comfort and habit. In this post, I’m going to talk about what we can do instead of staying stuck.
Have you ever felt like you’re just “not enough” in a particular friendship or relationship, like no matter what you do, you just can’t quite feel relaxed around the other person?
Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you just don’t feel a natural, easeful connection with the other person?
Chances are, you and the other person just don’t click at a deep level. Trying to force that kind of connection feels unnatural and difficult. You may be able to keep something going for a while, but it ends up requiring so much of your energy that ultimately it is a fruitless pursuit.
But here’s the thing: it is entirely possible for you to have a friendship or relationship where it feels like everything you’ve ever wished for.
How to Magnetize Friendships & Relationships of Your Wildest Dreams
Step 1: Assess
Take an honest look at the friendships and relationships in your life. You can start by making a list of your closest friendships and relationships.
Here are some questions to consider when you’re assessing your connections:
- Is your quality of connection mostly surface-level, or deeper than that?
- How do you feel when you connect with them?
- Does showing up in these friendships feel like a struggle, or does it feel easeful?
- How do you feel after you hang out with them: dissatisfied, drained, energized, inspired?
- Do you feel like you can be all of your true self around them, or do you find yourself compartmentalizing yourself to fit in?
- Does this connection feel mostly reciprocal, or one-sided?
- What are the common threads in your connection? (things you have in common, share, do together, talk about together)
Step 2: Make Space
You need to make space for the friendships and relationships that you want to exist in your life. In order to do that, you need to let go of those that no longer serve you.
Start saying ‘no’ to the people and places that no longer feel aligned for you. If something or someone feels like more of an obligation than a choice, then say ‘no.’
If you are making quite a lot of space at once, you make feel like a bit of a loner for a while, but that’s okay! Take the extra time to get to know yourself better. You can choose to double-down on your self-care and treat yourself extra well. Prioritizing your own health and healing is so important in this process.
Step 3: Set Intentions
Set your intentions for who you want to show up in your life. Be creative and specific. Dream big! Write down what you want, but also leave lots of room for you to be surprised. You want to be specific about the things that matter the most to you while allowing space for other possibilities.
You can specify what type of connection you’re looking for. You can call in a best friend, romantic partner, teacher, etc.
You might make a short and simple list, or you might write pages about who you are calling in. You could make one list per person you’re calling in. Or you can make a more broad list, and be open to those feelings/qualities/details showing up in any number of people. Go with what feels right to you.
Make sure that you intend for this person to show up in your life according to their own free will, in divine timing.
Step 4: Deep Inner Work
So, you’ve set your intentions for the person you’re calling into your life. But if this person were to show up right now, would you even have the capacity to receive them, or would you feel like you don’t deserve them? How is your self-worth? Would you be ready to show up for them, the way that you want them to show up for you?
You do not need to take an all-or-nothing approach to your healing. You do not need to try everything at once. Any and all work you intentionally put into your healing is better than not putting in any work at all. Every little bit of good intention adds up and multiples in time.
Do not compare your journey to someone else’s. Allow your own process to unfold however it flows most naturally in your life. Be gentle with yourself and take the process one step at a time, at whatever pace feels right for you.
There are many ways to approach deep inner work. These are some of my personal favorites:
- Shadow work, shadow work, shadow work!
- Taking an approach to therapy based in somatic experiencing
- Honestly and curiously looking into the most traumatic and emotional times of this life that I had internalized, digging deep into the details and asking the tough questions, like: What really happened? What aspect of it bothered me the most? What I was feeling at the time? How did I respond? In what ways has this influenced my automatic unconscious responses in certain situations? How do I feel about it now? How can I begin to shift the narrative around this?
- Allowing myself to feel and express all my feelings completely
- Releasing, letting go, and directing a whole lot of forgiveness towards myself and others
- Writing through my feelings in a journal
- Creating art and music to heal through those feelings
- Recording and analyzing my dreams in a dream journal
- Meditating to go deeper into this healing work through altered states of consciousness
- Consciously crying, laughing, dancing, and singing songs that inspire energy to flow freely throughout my body
- Exploring, understanding, and healing my automatic unconscious reactions
- Taking spiritual baths where I sang, meditated, and enabled myself to release energies stored in my body
There is no wrong approach to your inner work, so long as it leads towards your healing. No matter what you choose to do to focus on yourself, it is a crucial part of this process that shouldn’t be skipped.
Step 5: Wait and Receive
Be patient and open! You never know where you’ll find a new connection.
Start saying ‘yes’ to the places and events that excite you and feel aligned with how you want to live your life.
What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try, but never had anyone to try it with? Give it a go by yourself.
Is one of your favorite bands having a show nearby, but you’ve never been to a concert alone? Buy the ticket!
Now, here are some examples from my life to show you how this has really worked in practice.
Real Life Example
I found myself in surface-level friendships which felt like a struggle. I felt like I couldn’t really be myself around them, and like I had to wear social masks to fit in. The common threads we shared were no longer the focus of my life.
I released those friendships and made plenty of space for the possibilities of new connections.
I set my intention to manifest a female Pisces friend who was on my wavelength about life. I wanted a friend I could talk about anything with: nature, deep stuff, spiritual stuff, anything. And I wanted a friend who would want to co-create with me.
I waited patiently. I thought about my intentions every now and again. I stepped out of my comfort zone to attend some events that I was very interested in, but where I knew no one there.
Then 7 months after making space, I met my lovely Piscean bestie at a full moon potluck! We had an instant deep soul connection. Our friendship is mutually fulfilling in so many ways. It is everything I could’ve dreamed of and more. Over the past several years, our friendship has truly blossomed into something beautiful and long-lasting.
It can feel scary to let go of connections and make space for the unknown, but trust me, the people that will show up in your life are entirely worth the wait! Sometimes all it takes are intentions, space, time, and a leap of faith.